| Thing |
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| 10:49pm 09/10/2004 |
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mood:  calm music: Diana Krall
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I was reading... someones... LiveJournal a couple weeks ago. Meh. I like this one, actually ^^
Thing
There's this nagging. This thing, far in the back of my mind. Not so far back, though, as to not let me forget it... and I don't. Could it be Jealousy? I think that one left me with only a sticky, brown residue 'round the edges. Could it be Pity? That one shows its long, sickly face every now and then. It pokes at my eyes, at the white part where my pink-red veins are, and makes my tear ducts spit a bitter and stinging liquid. Maybe its Rage or Anger... they both don't let me rest my weary eyes at night and make me cry as well.
Dear Me. Figure it out yourself and abandon the thoughts of others because they won't be able to help you with this one. You've listened to the trumpets and the piano notes, stepping over each other. You've grasped a total of three thousand scents of onions sauteing and garlic browning. They aren't there and thats not the only answer. Sometimes the garlic will burn.
Rachel |
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(Here comes the sun) |
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| This Morning |
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| 04:03pm 20/09/2004 |
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music: The Shins- Girl on the Wing
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Wrote this during advisory. Random little piece... enjoy.
This Morning
This morning I stepped
Onto a supportive drift of wind,
Wildflower petals and leaves
And I thought of her and
Didn't maintain my good posture
And piercing ice pupils
Because I drifted away with the debris.
Into the dark tracks went
My mind and fell, slumped, against
A swinging pole I would see
My reflection in, smeared,
Invisibly incrusted with layers of dirt
And memories.
Rachel |
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(Here comes the sun) |
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| WiP: Second Slam Poem |
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| 11:23pm 26/08/2004 |
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mood:  awake
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Ooh look, a second Bauhaus styled-ish poem for a future slam. Though, I would say this one is more like a rap song. I was listening to Eminem when I wrote it, actually. Heh. Yessireebob. I like this one, but it needs some work and therefore is a Work in Progress (WiP).
Untitled/Second Slam Poem
Fetus catches cancer/Are you stuck in the mindset of a Necromancer, dancer/Caught in the jet, stream of a dream/Conscienceness fading out and in, thick and thin/Ignoring Michael Moore in the midst of D.C/Watch the MC/She wears a dress with birds that look like faeries/Up on the stage/See its her key- to living, bright under the lights, underneath the bloody fights/With the metallic tones and silver glares/All we get from the pretty little whores are mascara lined stars/Smoldering gaze of the fucked up youth behind their pink gloss stained glasses of watered down wine/And they jump up behind/More of their kind/Shit, little girl, he won't protect- you from horrifying effects/Don't subject, don't connect, don't select/Don't hide behind the black tears running down your pretty tanned cheeks/It didn't take you weeks/To achieve that glow you pretend to have obtained from birth/And a trip to the caribbean/After fucking those guys under pristine sheets/There was blood left over/When he left you over/On that little island in the sun/But its okay, because in your little world, you aren't a slut/You're a damn savior, a saint- your looks could peel paint/I'm feeling faint, in alabaster skin/Take your six hundred dollar Louis Vuitton purse/Open it wide and hide away your sins.
Rachel |
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(6 little ray of sunshines | Here comes the sun) |
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| Saga of Moments |
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| 03:57pm 28/07/2004 |
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mood:  accomplished music: RotK OST:: Howard Shore- The Ride of the Rohirrim
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This is a work in progress, and though most of it was written while at YWW, it has nothing to do with my feelings or any events that happened there. Bah. This will be a long when when its finally finished. I freaking LOVE the title. :D
Also, sorry about all the changing moods within like... 10 minutes. I'm feeling slightly bipolar. o_o
Saga of Moments
She stepped into the marble lobby
Bringing with her, that air of confidence
In all her glitter lashed glory.
She didn't walk, but bounced and skipped,
To where I stood and
Proceeded to plant
A bubble-gum flavored kiss on my cheek.
She made me smile in wonder,
And I couldn't help but blush
At the way she turned anyone
Into her new best friend.
We sat one night at the top of the beige stairwell
Right outside of the roof.
"I'm not really drunk. I can't
Really get drunk anymore..."
I was almost non-responsive, just laughed lightly,
Like she had made a joke
Even though it was only because I didn't
Know what else to say.
I turned and lifted up Molly's
Grey striped cashmere scarf,
The only she loved at the moment,
And fingered the soft cloth
Before putting it aside.
I retrieved a pack of cigarettes,
From her matching coat,
Camels, as always, the orange paper
Covered foam yielding under my index and thumb.
I didn't know why she wanted one,
It was almost raining, Outside
in the blackness of night.
I imagined the flicker of orange-yellow
Sparking bright, contrasting sharply
With the black asphalt of the roof.
I was glad when the cigarette
Finally left my hands.
Then I remembered,
I had forgotten to pack down the tobacco.
"It's no fun being sober, when everyone else
is fucked up!"
Oh.
He probably didn't believe me
But I didn't mind watching them all
Passing dark glass bottles
Sharing sips and kisses.
I felt...
I feel like a guardian angel,
Protecting them
Being the designated walker,
Or sprinter, if I was feeling alive that night.
On that same roof, later in time,
While the light of the sun Was
Waning. I danced across shadows,
Waiting for my phone to ring,
And when it did, the asphalt became my bed
And my sweatshirt, a pillow.
Immobilized by the voice on the other end
Of my old grey device.
Finally I would move, jump up,
Like a squirrel in sight of Hannah in the green
Green valleys of grass in the park.
I picked pieces of plastic gravel off my calves
With a smile, and then a peek behind me,
To see how far the orgy had gone.
Rachel |
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(3 little ray of sunshines | Here comes the sun) |
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| Forbidden and I, The Body |
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| 03:55pm 28/07/2004 |
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mood:  sad music: RotK OST:: Howard Shore- The Steward of Gondor
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These two have nothing to do with each other. Or do they. *stupid stare*
Forbidden
She had a glassy skin,
Translucent green
And her sloshing interior
Blood red
Tasting of winter
And dead, snow-topped trees.
She whispered to me,
"Drink. Drink and remember..."
I sipped her slowly,
Taking in her spicy aroma
And traced the contours
Of her body
Dipping in my finger,
And slowly sampling her,
Nearly moaning at the taste,
Of my favorite aged wine.
I, the Body
I notice sometimes
That my fingers can do more
Then I know.
More then I can imagine.
Sometimes a step backwards
Out of myself,
Out of my mind,
Can make me realize
How immensely powerful
The human body is. |
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(1 little ray of sunshine | Here comes the sun) |
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| Him and Don't Let Him Know |
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| 03:53pm 28/07/2004 |
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mood:  angry music: RotK OST:: Howard Shore- The Steward of Gondor
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First one inspired by a true event. Second one inspired by a... possibly... true event. *sighs*
Him
There he was to protect you
If only for a short while
He did love you, in ways
Not of our understanding
And then he passed
Into other mindsets
And escaped into himself
To protect you further
Even in his sad
And abrupt absence.
Don't Let Him Know
Maybe he really was in the house
With a careless slam of the door
And heavy footsteps across
The lacquered wood
Her father's knife in hand
Eyes full of a sadistic longing
For her and for revenge.
Don't let him know you are afraid.
Rachel |
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(Here comes the sun) |
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| Happiness and Sadness |
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| 03:51pm 28/07/2004 |
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mood:  blah music: RotK OST:: Howard Shore- The Steward of Gondor
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Two poems in one. Meant to be read right after one another, get it? I like these two a lot... :D
Happiness
Happiness is fleeting
An example of those who leave
And those who stay.
I see happiness walk away.
She is like that one
School grade crush
That you have lusted after
For so long.
Who appeared in your first
Wet dreams
And filled your mind with fantasies.
Happiness doesn't like you,
But don't get me wrong,
In fact, Happiness doesn't
Really like anyone
Save for a selected few
And even they can't hold
Her hand for long.
Wispy Happiness comes and goes,
But when she's here,
Things just seem right.
Sadness
Oh, Sadness, You fucking
Drama queen.
Sure, you are one of the more
Popular kids
But that doesn't mean
We like you.
Unlike Happiness,
You mess things up and then
Comes Depression
(He's like your damn shadow)
The only good thing about you
Is the fact that you
Produce inspiration, more
Then Happiness even!
Then again,
Who wants inspiration,
That is as fickle as yours?
Rachel |
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(Here comes the sun) |
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| Statue |
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| 03:50pm 28/07/2004 |
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mood: annoyed music: RotK OST:: Howard Shore- The White Tree
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Poetry group went to sit and observe this statue in a little park near Cabell Hall. There.
Statue
Like a phallus,
It stand erected
Amidst the ivy and woodchips
Almost a symbol of sexual youth
Girls becoming women
Boys becoming men
Protruding parts, jutting forward
Like stepping stones
To another higher place
At the base,
There are no more male characteristics
But womanhood is represented
In a combination of the two sexes
Rachel |
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(Here comes the sun) |
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| This is New |
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| 03:48pm 28/07/2004 |
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mood:  contemplative music: RotK OST:: Howard Shore- The White Tree
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Written after being believably hyper. If you were there at YWW, you may have noticed me sprinting by you... XD
This is New
I notice my 'n's first
Then the rippling veins
In my hands
Then I realize.
After running across pavement
And roads
Swinging around a holed pole
I stop, and am held,
And still a lingering wish
To bury myself in
The green of the leafy hedges
Remains in my limbs
High on neon Mountain Dew
And lack of food
(I can't eat when I'm like this)
And eyes shift
Finally calm when
I breathe in the air
Of the damn, darkened stairwells.
Rachel |
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(Here comes the sun) |
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| Woman |
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| 03:45pm 28/07/2004 |
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mood: cranky music: RotK OST:: Howard Shore- Minas Tirith
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[spicegirlmode]Yeah, girl power! *makes peace sign with two fingers*[/spicegirlmode]
We were talking about the Vagina Monologues and freedom of, whatever,... thus...:
Woman
I am not a typical woman
I do not go for manicures or pedicures
I don't do anything with my hair
I sit with my legs open,
But I am not a whore.
I beat down the female stereotypes
And
Do not allow myself to be taken over
I am not graceful
Now am I sweet
I am pretty, but that
Isn't for any man.
I know the world for what
It truly is
Even in my short years,
I have seen the evil
Along with the good
I have learned not to surrender
I have an abundance of willpower
And control over my actions
I am a woman, yes,
But not the kind they want me to be.
Rachel |
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(1 little ray of sunshine | Here comes the sun) |
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| Shorts #1 and #2 and What I Wish I Was |
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| 03:42pm 28/07/2004 |
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mood: lonely music: RotK OST:: Howard Shore- Hope and Memory
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Short #1- inspired again, by a toast from Sarah
Short #2- random thoughts
What I Wish I Was- random thoughts (pretty self-explanatory)
Short #1
Perpetuating
Exuberance, it only
Occurs in our dreams.
Short #2
Why is it that
Even through denim
Love permeates?
What I Wish I Was
I have a new personality.
Under my facade, though,
I am quivering in fear.
But they do not have to see,
For all that I show them
Is a layer of confidence.
A layer of what I wish
I was underneath.
Rachel |
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(Here comes the sun) |
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| Toast, Then Suddenly and The Answer |
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| 03:35pm 28/07/2004 |
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mood: nostalgic music: RotK OST:: Howard Shore- A Storm is Coming
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Har. Now I will post all the poetry I wrote at YWW this year... just for your viewing pleasure. Three poems in this post.
Toast- Was started from a toast that Sarah made in our activity on the first day.
Then Suddenly- inspired by sitting in Xanadu (I was about to type, The Schmatrix XD) next to Sarah, Alex and Riana.
The Answer- spawned from an exercise in the afternoon poetry lab.
Toast
I toast to the
Milky maiden
Seated in the sky
To all her starred glory
She winks at me
Then dances away
To resume her swirling
In the black night
Then Suddenly
Feeling warm breath on my back
Feeling two warm shoulders
Against mine
I quickly chomped my gum
And smiled
Before changing my position
Once again
The Answer
The answer to
"What is Love?"
Is as fickle
As the sky is blue
Love, in itself
Can only be described
In the eyes of a lover
And by roaming hands.
Rachel |
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(1 little ray of sunshine | Here comes the sun) |
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| Life |
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| 07:49pm 08/06/2004 |
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mood:  hot music: Kill Bill Vol. 1:: The 5 6 7 8s- Woo Hoo
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This was written on the weekend when Sarah came to visit (end of May). We were sitting in Sofia's living room and I was granted sudden inspiration. Enjoy.
Life
Sometimes I sit here and
Wonder what is happening
I can't tell if I exist
In reality, or on some other
Plane of myself
I am perched here next
To the one I love,
She's dressed in black, and
Soothing music oozes
From the taut strings
Under Gabriel's fingers.
More hands, larger,
Steal away the guitar to
Raise spirits in the
Sunlit room and there
Can't be anything more
Tranquil, then a song
Created in minor. Chords
Stroked and the guitar
Climaxes
In something that
Can only be called life.
Rachel |
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(3 little ray of sunshines | Here comes the sun) |
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| Untitled, For Martina and Keegan |
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| 07:46pm 08/06/2004 |
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mood:  thirsty music: Kill Bill (Vol. 1) :: Soundtrack- Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood
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This was written sitting in Martina's kitchen in the later hours of the night. A turbulent evening it was, I think the three of us remember it well.
Untitled
For Martina and Keegan
The wall of perseverance
Its gone too far
Impossible to turn around
Turn back and remake
Yourself and you have
Shown what you have
Become
Or always have been.
At 1:15 in the morning,
A glance at the clock
Is all the evidence I
Need to tell that things
Are wrong.
They don't work anymore
That tye-dyed connection
Broken long ago. It was a
Fling, nothing more
And it became
Much too heavy
Much too fast.
Poured water down the
Silver drain and I look,
Saddened, and pretend
They are the tears for
The lonely two, I don't
Want them to know about.
Rachel |
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(Here comes the sun) |
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| Rain |
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| 12:23am 16/05/2004 |
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mood: calm
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True story. Happened a little over an hour ago with Sofia and Morgan.
Rain
It was the way the rain began. The small droplets fell on our cheeks and bare arms bringing forth our squeaks of excitement at this familiar, but nonetheless invigorating, sensation. It was the way they screamed, and I laughed, when the thunder boomed from the depths of the sky, and lightning filled the air with a smell of summer and the color of pale flower bulbs. We danced and brushed hands against my black skirt that rapidly wrinkled and puckered from the falling water. Soon my glasses were fogging and collecting drops, and were abandoned in my hand. Lightning cracking like a whip and I stare up, ignoring the burning in my eyes from streams of water down my forehead. I am suddenly grateful and connected to my earth like never before. Such a gift these simple sky showers are. We receive rounds of applause from men and women alike; they appreciate us and our audacity, and know of our love for the rain on our young bodies. They are congratulating us on letting our hearts swell and absorb the water, as I trail farther behind. I see the two forms, blurs of red and white before me, and quietly let the rain quench my thirst.
Rachel |
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(4 little ray of sunshines | Here comes the sun) |
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| His Golden Eyes |
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| 12:55pm 05/05/2004 |
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This didn't happen. I made it up. But there are people who swear things like this have happened.
His Golden Eyes
There was he, who would sit at the end of my bed each morning and talk to me. His name, I did not know, but he woke me up daily with a gentle tentacle on my cheek. From what I can remember, he was not transparent nor opaque, but really he was there, an actual form. His eyes were golden; golden as the coins he would show me and golden as the sun that illuminated his head, creating a halo. I still remember that halo as if I saw it yesterday. I would take my gaze from his eyes for a moment and stare at it, and be filled with an absolute joyfulness. Though, at first he existed in the mornings only, he soon appeared at night to lie next to me. As I drifted off to sleep, his furred tentacles would gently stroke my hair and I knew he loved me, as I loved him. Even though we did not ever speak the words, my heart welled with love for him, and his love for me. Over years of this soft happiness and unconditional caring, he began to grow slightly transparent. I did not notice much at first, but his touches soon grew even softer; so soft that I could barely feel them. One morning, as the sun streamed through the window, he looked at me with his golden eyes and spoke the words I always knew, but never heard. My eyes filled with tears; a soft, knowing sadness, and told him I loved him and I always had. He smiled, bent over and placed a gentle kiss on my cheek. He sat back once again, still with a smile upon his lips, closed his eyes and slowly disappeared into the light. I never saw him again; but every time light streams through the window in the morning and creates stripes of shadow and sun across my bed, I think of his golden eyes gazing at me and I can smile and begin the day.
Rachel |
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(Here comes the sun) |
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| Two Monologues |
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| 02:06pm 28/03/2004 |
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mood: cheerful
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I wrote these a couple days ago. After reading the monologue in Sarah's journal, I was inspired to write something of my own. They're basically just musings. :D
Untitled
[Walking slowly in a room] The world, this world that has been so corrupted. Though, what really is corruption? In a way, aren't we all corrupted? Don't all of us become corrupted at some age or another? [flipping through a dictionary] Corrupted, an adjective, marked by immorality and perversion; tainted Well, there you have it. That just about describes the world and everything in it. Tainted. I don't think its necessarily a bad thing either, since where would we be at all, if we weren't "marked by immorality and perversion"... we would be living in a very repulsive world indeed. For the sake of what it's worth, thank god for the magnificent people we do find. The people that you wouldn't describe as corrupt or tainted, but the beautiful ones who have your complete and utter worship, even if you don't want to admit it.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"If you had no name... If you had no history... If you had no books... If you had no family..."
Think. What if we did have no name, no history, no family. What are we? Who are we? Just because we have a name, does that make us who we are? So when a name is changed, does that mean we, as a person, are changed? Do our emotions change too? And this... these emotions that run through us constantly. Not everything has a scientific reasoning. Not everything can be explained, though many things can. We wear our emotions on our faces, and our minds and bodies are just as faltering.
Rachel |
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(3 little ray of sunshines | Here comes the sun) |
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| And We Would Drive |
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| 10:31pm 18/03/2004 |
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mood: content music: The Beatles- Revolution 1
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Well I rather like this poem. Its inspired by something Sarah said in her journal and springs also from my goal to one day go on a road trip across the country. Enjoy.
And We Would Drive
Down the lonely roads
Dust rising from our wheels
Like a rough wave of water
From the ocean
Thats where we would be
In a vast sea of orange and yellow
Blood red sun reaching out and
Touching the edge of the asphalt
With windows open
We would breathe
Wind caressing our faces
And blowing swiftly
Through our loose hair
We would glance at each other
And smile slightly, knowingly
An untold joke in the air
We'd stare forward once again
Our gaze directed
Towards our unknown destination
Somewhere near the melted horizon
Rachel |
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(1 little ray of sunshine | Here comes the sun) |
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| The Play/Skit Thing |
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| 12:44pm 10/03/2004 |
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mood: contemplative music: Just... silence
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I Am Myself
Characters:
Uniqueness
Cruelty*
Jealousy*
Envy*
Ignorance*
Narrator
*No speaking parts- Known as Clones
Characters dressed in solid colors in this order: White, blue, red, green, yellow, black
[Enter Uniqueness and Narrator into a green school hallway. Narrator leans against lockers- Uniqueness walks slowly.]
Narrator: Uniqueness walks slowly, but keeps her head high in the air. She has a purpose, and thought she hasn't found it yet, continues to search.
[Enter giggling Clones from classroom door on the left. They follow Uniqueness from behind making taunting faces and gestures.]
Narrator: They taunt her. About her thoughts, about her speak; anything they can find to dislike about her. Uniqueness smiles through this, she doesn't seem to mind.
[Clones say something, smile fades from Uniqueness' face]
Narrator: [frowning] Uniqueness' smile fades. One of the Clones has hit a nerve, touched something inside her and it hurts. Even though she tries, and succeeds, in hiding her pain, it hurts.
[Uniqueness slows and then stops walking altogether.]
Narrator: [walking to Uniqueness] they whine and complain at her. They ask what she is trying to prove.
[Uniqueness turns around and a lone tear falls down her cheek. She smiles again. Narrator wraps arms around her from behind.]
Uniqueness: I am myself.
End |
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(Here comes the sun) |
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| Please |
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| 07:12pm 04/03/2004 |
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mood: chipper music: Ravi Shankar And Philip Glass
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Please. Leave me alone before I say something I regret. Please, just let me alienate myself. I can't take it anymore, I don't need your support, or your concern. None of it matters. None of it helps. Talking doesn't do a fucking thing. Neither does writing, but apparently my hands disagree.
It seems to me, that its only fun to hurt the ones that can't hurt you back, because they don't know what your weaknesses are. But you know theirs. You know they can't fight back. You so badly want to hurt them, and it makes so much sense in your motherfucking little satanic mind. Oh, really? I'm the satanic one? Because? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? I can't ask any questions? Why? Why? Why? Is it too much for you to handle? What? Is everything happening too fast? Don't like the ones who can't fight back? Oh, but if they could. Haha. If only they could, and if only you knew what fury, anger, spite, cruelty... what horrible, torturous things go through their minds. They aren't the gentle little lamb they seem to be like on the outside. They may control their emotions, control their anger... but inside, the anger is boiling, seething through every 'helpless' pore in their motherfucking body. Don't you see? Can't you understand why there is so much hate... constantly? It doesn't stop. Do you know why? Its because of people. Its because of you.
Rachel |
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(1 little ray of sunshine | Here comes the sun) |
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midorimidnight's journal